Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
