roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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