Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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