Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
