goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
