I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
