Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
