just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
