My first STD was from a foam party
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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