my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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