You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
