a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
