just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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