Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
