Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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