Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
