The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
