just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
