I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize