True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
