i don't like sucking hair
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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