I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
