My first STD was from a foam party
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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