and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
