I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
