The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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