I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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