Only a mothe r could love this liver
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
