need another drink. this is the easiest way
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.