home. puking in laundry basket.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
