Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs