ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
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While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
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I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
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You say this every welcome week, bro.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.