Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.