Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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