I should be sponsored by Trojan
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
