I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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