She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
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the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
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You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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