Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize