Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize