Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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