I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
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