This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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