the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
