My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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