Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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