Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It's blow job season.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
