Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
