pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
