I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I wish life had little blips of pornography
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
