But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
