Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
