Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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