I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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