He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
