..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
