I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
