Pants 0. Shit 1.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
