Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
