I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
