I want to stick my p in your. b.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
