my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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