I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
