Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
