Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
