I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
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He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
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gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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