tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
