I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
