omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
