alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
