I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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