i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
